I often ask myself why people find it hard to be single. Most guys I have asked considers being single as being lonely and no fun. Likewise, most ladies I have spoken with, see being single as being unattractive or high maintenance. For instance, a guy who just recently broke up with his girlfriend and is dating someone new barely two weeks later. Does this mean he was cheating while dating his ex? Yes in most cases and no in some cases. It’s just some guys find it incredibly hard to be termed as “Single”.

Being single can be fun, exciting and life changing but if all your friends are in a relationship, it can be difficult as they would all want to play match maker and assume that you are so sad and heartbroken… which you probably are. But if we embrace the idea of being alone for some time, we would realize that it’s a time to be selfish (to love yourself alone), to grow and further understand and develop yourself. It is supposed to be a time to reflect and not regret. To reflect on your past (both mistakes and achievements) and to evaluate how much you have changed.

What most people fail to understand is, every relationship shapes and changes you. It can either make you better or worse. So if single, you should try to find out what about you (your personality) that has been altered or changed in the course of the relationship as a result of making sacrifices, compromises and the desire to make your partner happy. Some people lose themselves while others become better people. Others find out that their preferences in who they want as a partner has changed due to their experiences.

Being single does not mean you should be vulnerable but rather you should be strong and alert to avoid the mistakes from the previous relationship and also to logically verify your next relationship. Avoid feeling pressured to start a new relationship as soon as possible even if you might be lonely sometimes. Being single means giving your heart, mind and body time to heal and recuperate and be better for the next person that comes along. So don’t worry if everyone around you is dating, you are getting better to last longer in your next relationship.

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So be happy, have fun with friends and loved ones and do whatever you want without feeling guilty or having to consider the feelings of someone else before making a decision or taking an action. And yes, when someone asks you if you are single, feel proud to say yes because when you are sad about being single and you show it, then it makes people think you are miserable and sad, also it sends out a negative aura. But when you are single and happy, it eliminates the people around you that might want to take advantage of your vulnerability.

Remember, don’t settle for what you don’t like or can’t tolerate because of your fear of being single or to start afresh, as a new beginning is better than a sad end filled with regrets. Be happy, love yourself and true love will find you.

Author: Chinedu Ukoh